They should really pass out barf bags in church
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
