he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
