Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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