I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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