he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
