i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
