And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
