she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
