You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
