the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived