So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.