after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship