My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.