I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
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Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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