Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
