his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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