I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
