So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
