My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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