What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
