Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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