I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
