Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize