Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
