Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
