I am midnight drunk by noon
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
