I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
