Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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