dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
