Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
