i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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