I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
