the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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