Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
