I just pynch a tree in the face
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
