halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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