I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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