I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
