Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
