what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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