You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
