do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
