God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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