you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
