I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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