I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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