Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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