I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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