I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
