Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
