i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
