I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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