the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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