I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
