and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
