this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
