I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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