You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
