Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
