the new term for farting is butt boxing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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