none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
