so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
