If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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