how can u be prego again
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
