hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
