so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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