Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Someone shit on the floor
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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