I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
