seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
