you're like a bully in the Christmas story
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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