There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
