Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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