redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
