my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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