"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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