Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
