Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
