At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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