the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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