I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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