in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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