The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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